Turid didn’t know it at the time, but Moussé had to do something important before he could answer her question: ‘I first had to ask my parents, that’s tradition in Africa. But they thought is was great, asked me if I was in love and I said “yes!”, so we married,’ he smiles. Now they live in The Netherlands with their three children.
Understand each other
The newlyweds found out that cultural differences can make a relationship complicated. Turid: ‘In the beginning we had a lot of discussions about money and a lot of other things, you’re really from two different continents. You have to understand each other’s background.’
Patience
On the Internet, mixed relationships are also a hot topic. On a forum, VenusEnvy shares her experience on how to make it work: ‘The secret to success? Patience, patience and patience. Culture can encompass so many things. Traditional food and ways of preparing meals, what time to eat, how to shop, where to eat, whether to speak during dinner or not, etc. These are all things that may differ from my culture and the culture of my boyfriend. And this is only about food!’
Common interests
Valerie also learned a couple of things from her relationship: ‘The important thing is to look for common domains, issues, interests. And be ready to approximate to each other (intellectually, spiritually, etc). And if things get serious, be prepared for some hard decisions; where to live, which language to talk to your children, etc.’
Adjust
Moussé learned to adjust to the fast society in the Netherlands and the equal role pattern that exists in Dutch households: ‘When you really love someone, you have to share everything. When I cook, she does the dishes. When I clean, she takes care of the kids. That’s the secret. Many men think: I’m the man around the house, I’ll remain seated.’
What are your experiences with intercultural relationships? What are the benefits, what are the challenges? Or do you just have a beautiful love story you want to tell? Upload your stories here
